we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
thus making me awesome and them whores
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
