I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
