The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
