Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
