How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
