They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize