seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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