Pappa wants mamma naked
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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