My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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