He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
