I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
