Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Randomize
