it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
