I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
