Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
3pm strippers are depressing
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
