Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
