Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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