I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
