I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize