It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
