i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
