i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
