I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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