Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
