I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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