Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
