do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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