brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My feet surprised me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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