I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
