Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
