Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
