OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
