I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You are a genius and a whore.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize