mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize