I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
