Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
