at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
