you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
