Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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