3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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