from now on my penis is your penis
My Higher Power is John Stamos
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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