you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
