if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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