i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
