You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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