I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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