She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
