dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
