Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I can text with my tongue
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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