remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
