i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
