so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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