I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
