just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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