I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
