I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
