Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
