If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
