put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
