8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
