Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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