I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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