had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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