You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
