Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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