Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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